purpose, shame, Stepmom Advice

Why Step Parents Don’t Speak Up

Using our voice. What does that look like in a blended family? I’ll tell you what it should not look like and it’s in the video below.
At least it should not look this way for me. It’s not my authentic self. It is my frustrated self. The part of me that bubbles out when I feel i’m not able to fully show up in my own space and feel the need to filter my thoughts based on who might be listening.

However, I want you to know that it is normal to feel like whatever you’re saying is being scrutinized down to every apostrophe. Because it probably is!

Say it anyway (lovingly, respectfully, all the things…). But here is the key: do not hold it to the point of explosion or running over. When we are scared to speak up for what we KNOW is best for our kids or spouse or ourSELVES, we lead others to believe that we are just fine with who we are currently showing up as in our families. BE YOU. SET BOUNDARIES…. and don’t act a fool like I did in this video. 🙂

While I am not proud of the way it came out, and in the setting in which I chose to share it, this is something that still needed to be said. What are some things we can do to state our boundaries (what we will and won’t do) so that we are still displaying the love of Jesus? Now…. remember, just because someone can’t receive it does not mean that you are not being loving. Not everyone will like the boundaries we set forth, but they will at least know how we show up.

My friend Vanessa told me yesterday that we should always show up as ourselves. The way we’ve always shown up. Never change because our buttons are being pushed. I think that is great advice!

“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.”
 ‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:12-14‬ ‭MSG‬‬

I have given this some thought and it increased my desire to create a safe place for stepparents to share and be understood. What does this look like? Currently, I am reaching out to stepmoms that follow me to extend an invitation to hop on a quick Zoom call with me just to tell me their story. I originally started doing this so that I could get to know my community and serve them well. Now I think this may serve a new purpose. A safe place. A place to tell your story.

What do you guys think?

Until next time,


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